Under An Alien Influence
by Delectable Sweetness
Summary: '"Flies? Oh no, Dumbledore is not gonna be happy about this – Nuh-uh." She shook her head as they walked into the infirmary.' John has a hard time trying to figure out why Elizabeth is acting so strangely.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters. No copy infringement intended. However, I do own my own writing, my own characters and the plot to this story, Delectable Sweetness****.**

**Author's Note: New one-shot. Yay! Some of you might recognise this from 'Five Times Elizabeth Weir Touched Something Alien.' As I've decided to discontinue the story I thought I'd post Chapters one and two up as separate one-shots as I did really like them. **

**This one is probably the most insane thing I've ever written, and it's not meant to be taken seriously. Elizabeth is OOC, her mood changes a lot and it's probably border-lining on a crack-fic, but it's meant to be humorous and fun, so throw logic to the wind and enjoy. :P**

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><p><span><strong>Under An Alien Influence<strong>

"Did you kill the unicorn?" John Sheppard looked at the woman standing in front of him, arms crossed, eyebrow arched, voice filled with accusation. He didn't answer, he couldn't. The question had left him speechless, which hadn't left her happy. "God damn it, John! I asked you a question, now answer me!" She yelled out.

"Elizabeth wha-" He didn't get the chance to finish.

"Did you kill the unicorn in my office?!" She screamed out, pointing towards her office. He looked around the gate room and then the control room, his eyes landing on Chuck. The technician just shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. He stepped forward and placed his hands against Elizabeth's arms and stared into her green eyes – they were dialated. "Well, did you?"

He shook his head as he tried to appease her until he could convince her to go see Carson. "No, I didn't."

Then, she burst into tears. He would have laughed at her reaction if he hadn't been so concerned.

"Oh my God, I'm leaking! John, I'm leaking!" She cried out, her fingers wiping at her tears.

"Okay, Elizabeth, we need to get you to see, Carson," he explained softly.

Her tears soon turned into giggles. "Look at the wraith," she said through her giggles.

Everyone, including John, unconsciously looked around the room. "What wraith?" He asked, beginning to question Elizabeth's sanity.

"He's dancing in a tutu." She was still giggling as she pointed towards the gate.

"That's it – you're gonna see Carson!" He exclaimed as he undid his tac-vest and handed that and his P.90 off to Teyla, wrapping an arm around Elizabeth shoulders and turning her in the direction of the infirmary and began walking.

"John?" She asked her giggling ceasing.

"Yes Elizabeth?" He tried to keep the worry out of his tone.

"I think I'm a wizard, but-" She started sobbing again. "I didn't get my letter from Hogwarts – Why am I still leaking?!" She squeaked out.

She pulled out of his embrace with a gasp and ran towards a balcony, disappearing through the opened doors. He immediately followed her. "Elizabeth, wha-" He didn't get the chance to finish asking her what the hell was going on before she cut him off.

"What's that?" She asked in exclamation, pointing towards the ocean.

"That's the ocean," he replied patiently.

She looked at him with wide eyes. _"The ocean?"_

He had to hold back a small chuckle at her amazement. "Yes," he replied, gently steering her back towards the hall they had come from.

"John – stop!" She suddenly cried out, holding her arm out in front of him to stop him from walking.

"What?" He swallowed a little hard.

"Don't step in the unicorn poop," she gently chided.

"Unicorn poop?"

"Yes, if you get it on your boots the evil fairies will steal them," she pointed out as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"O – kay." He started scooting over, looking at her for conformation. She waved her hand to tell him to scoot over some more, so he did… then some more… and then some more. "That's a lot of crap," he pointed out as Elizabeth gave him the go-ahead to walk forward.

"Yes, unicorns are very messy," she agreed.

"I'll say," he muttered as he led her into a transporter. Once the doors slid shut, he pressed the dot for the area where the infirmary was situated. A light engulfed them and then the doors slid open.

Elizabeth gasped. "Was that magic? Are we in Hogwarts?" She questioned excitedly.

"No, we're in Atlantis." He silently thanked God that they were right outside the infirmary doors.

"Atlantis?"

"Uh-huh, and it flies, too," he pointed out.

"Flies? Oh no, Dumbledore is not gonna be happy about this – Nuh-uh." She shook her head as they walked into the infirmary.

"Dumbledore? What?"

"I was supposed to stay in my dorm-room. I'm gonna get in so much trouble."

He frowned a little. "I thought you didn't get your letter." It was definitely the wrong thing to say.

"I didn't get my letter?" She squeaked out, tears beginning to fall down her face. "How do I stop this leaking?" She cried out. He was thoroughly surprised when she reached out and grabbed his black t-shirt, burying her face in it. She started rubbing her face along it.

"Elizabeth don't-" He stopped short when she gathered his shirt in a bunch and blew her nose. He grimaced and called for Carson.

The Scottish doctor immediately came running towards them. "Colonel, what's the matter?" He asked, eyeing Elizabeth.

"There's something wrong with, Elizabeth," he explained as Elizabeth moved away from him.

"Wrong?"

"Yes – wrong! She keeps talking about unicorns, wraith and she thinks she's a wizard," he said as he watched Elizabeth dancing and singing around the infirmary.

"See?" He pointed out towards her.

"Aye, I can see that," Carson sighed. "Do ya think ya could help me get her onto a bed?"

John nodded. "Elizabeth?" He called out. The singing diplomat looked at him. "Elizabeth come here, I want to show you a unicorn."

Elizabeth immediately made her way over to him and linked her arm with his. "Where's the unicorn, John?" She asked excitedly.

"Right over here." He began leading her towards one of the infirmary beds.

"No, John – no!" She began tugging on his arm.

"Come on, Elizabeth, don't you want to see the unicorn?" He asked sweetly.

She shook her head. "That's not a unicorn – that's a wraith!" She cried out, trying to pull away from him.

"There's no wraith, Elizabeth!" He tried to sit her down on the bed.

"Don't you see it? He's eating my unicorn… John – stop him!" She begged.

John let go of her and ran his hands through his mussed up hair. How the hell was he going to stop something that wasn't even there?

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he walked towards the bed and balled his hand into a fist, reaching out and punching thin air. He looked to Elizabeth, who shook her head 'no.' He air-punched it again and again and then pretended to shove away the imaginary creature. He looked at her and she smiled. "It's gone," she breathed out in relief. He held out his hand, smiling when she took it. He gently pulled her towards the bed, a small sigh of relief escaping his lips as she willingly perched on top of it. "Stay with me?" She asked with a pout.

"Of course."

"John?"

"Yes?"

"Why is Carson dressed as a clown?"

He groaned.

This was going to be a long day.

**~xoXox~**

John walked into Elizabeth's office, grinning when the negotiator looked up and immediately blushed. "Colonel," she said curtly.

"Doctor!"

"What do you want, John?"

He collapsed down into the chair in front of her desk. "Just making sure you're not getting into trouble." His grin got bigger.

She glared at him. "I'm fine!"

"No unicorns? Tutu wearing wraith? Do you feel like bursting into song? And how did you stop that leaking?" He smirked when she threw her pen at him. Apparently, on Elizabeth's last mission, she had unintentionally ingested some pollen from the local plant life. After several days of being dormant in her system, she'd finally had a reaction to it and it had left her in a state that was similar to being high and with a very active imagination.

"You're never gonna let me live this down, are you?"

"Nope! By the way, you owe me a new shirt." The groan and subsequent thump made him start to laugh hysterically.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: So what did you think? Insane, I know, but did it make you laugh a little or even smile? Also, John punching thin air was probably… weird, but oh well! :P<strong>

**Review please. :)**


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